This upcoming year, (which would be in about 9 days) i would

DEFINITELY:
get my ears pierced
get another tattoo
go through the defense (hopefully) :'(
be with my mom again ( even if it's just for 40 days)
travel :D (fingers crossed the india trip would push though-- fingers crossed my mom would let me go to india)


MAYBE
get my nose pierced
get a job 3 months after i graduate
graduate

Watching Drake Doremus' films is my version of feeding my unrealistic expectations of relationships-- you have your chick flick's I have his movies-- there's something about his films, it just seems more real, more raw. Every movie that he makes, there's always a line that resonates with you, and the fact that he doesn't sugarcoat it with unnecessary cheesy scores is just icing on the cake for me.

Many of us take a lot of things for granted, I guess the fact that we're so complacent with everything we never really second guess it. While searching through old photos and interviewing different family members,  I never would have thought that one little glitch in my granddad's painting would lead me to the fact that my mom was adopted. Reality sinks in and it all falls into place.  My mom's side, the side which I am the closest too, i'm not actually related to them.

  A minute or so passed and I think about all the moments we've spent together as a family; how it would be awkward for me now, whenever reunions come around, whenever I start getting all comfy, this little fact will kick in "You're not related. never was, never will be." But these people  even though they weren't linked by blood, treated my mom and my sister and me like we were one of their own. That these people not only gave my mom a new lease on life but also never once made us feel that we weren't family. I guess what I'm trying to say is, those you love and those who love you back is what matters. Biology is the least of  what makes a family , the bond and love is what constitutes a family.

yeah i miss him, but he doesn't really care, so why bother.

but I still can't shake these feelings off. I always do this to myself you know, build up a wall then realize I actually love the person. Before I actually do anything, or muster up the courage to do anything, it's too late. I don't know if it was sincere or not, I don't know if we were just so desperate for a relationship that we took things too fast. I would like to think that all those messages were sincere. Because I can;t take another reality of someone playing me to step-up their game, I've had too much of that already. But I do miss zach, you have no fucking idea how much I miss you,  and it's my fault too.

..feelings--they suck.

Not entirely excited to go back to uni tomorrow. Thinking about the what if's doesn't help either. Wish I had everything sorted out.

have you ever reached a point in your life where you just get tired of everything?
Tired of the people around you, tired of the same old routine you do everyday.
It's come to a point now where the only exciting thing that's happening in my life right now, is when I talk to someone I've never met before and actually have a decent conversation with them-- and the pathetic part of this situation is -- it all happens online.

People have dreams , whether it be practical or insanely impractical. They say that when you overthink things that's when you lose. I've come to a point in my life where I've accepted the fact that maybe this is where I should be, this is my role in the universe--the mediocre filler, to make way for those people who are destined for something greater. Everytime that reality sinks in-- as pathetic as this sounds I can't help but cry.

i seriously need to get away before i fully lose myslelf.