me again.
I guess I could never really fix myself. I have friends but not the real kind. Wait, no I have "companions." People who are there when you want to have fun, occasionally be there when you have a fit or two. I've never really had someone who I can be myself with. You see, I'm a people pleaser. I'm can't be myself with anyone unless I know them well enough. The real me , is just isn't as exciting. I'm just bladderred by the fact that People Pleasing is still not enough to prevent other people to talk shit behind your back.
Miyerkules, Nobyembre 14, 2012
Lunes, Nobyembre 12, 2012
not a bum (... well sometimes I can be a bum but when things need to be done, I get them done... eventually)
I told myself that I was going to write about something in here everyday, I failed to do that yesterday. I went straight to bed after school, so what happened yesterday? events, events events...
oh, we had a parade. WOW exciting. T.T I dressed up as Amy Pond. Lost at least a pound of sweat from walking around the campus. Me and my mates found at least 2 groups who understood our costumes. Not a lot of Dr. Who fans in my part of the world. Shame really
What else did I do?? Oh, right, my hands were useful once again. There was this life sketching thing in the gallery so yeah, did that as well, realized that I sucked in life drawing. Saw pictures of said parade, and realized how my face, wait no ... my head is shaped like a walnut and/or butternut squash. Never did look good in photos, I think its my complete lack of allure or just potential good looks. Oh yeah, my dad thinks I'm being a bum for not attending classes. He doesn't actually say it to me, but I can tell. You don't have to be an idiot to notice. About the not attending classes thing, listen. I just don't want to waste money on cab fare to go to school and not do anything. You may ask, how can you not have anything to do, it's college. Well, my non-existent follower. In my college we have this annual week celebration, wherein the student council sets up these events and if you're into those said events you can participate, but if you're like me who lives an hour and 30 minutes away from school, you wouldn't bother to go to these events especially if I'm just going to force myself to people I don't know. I 'd would just rather stay at home, relax while I still can before I get tons of schoolwork the week after.
Linggo, Nobyembre 11, 2012
Barking in Circles
Finishing was never one of my strong suits. Ever since I was a kid, every time my parents put me up to something like ballet, gymnastics, badminton... (actually achieved something in this sport but i just found myself not attending school practices) the list goes on and on. I never seem to finish them. It's either I get tired of it or, something pops up and prevents me from continuing said activity.
Why am I going on about not finishing shit? Well, you see my non existent follower; ready for this? I'm scared of not living. I'm always scared of trying new things, things I've always wanted to do. Like say, I wanted to apply for this internship but I'm too scared to get rejected so I kept putting it off and putting it off until I just forgot about the damn thing. The deadline passed and I said to myself, "AHH there's always next year." Every time this happens to me, and every fucking time I tell myself I'll straighten up and be productive, but no. My own scared ass is too lazy to do anything. NOTHING EVER GETS DONE.
Maybe that's what I'm really built to be. A bum. A bum who has lots of dreams but is too scared and sadly, doesn't have the skills to achieve them. Everywhere I look there's always someone, the same age as me who already has a job, or has won some big award. Every time I see things like that. I tell myself. What the hell am I doing with my life? I wouldn't be surprised after 10 years or so I'll be stuck in some 9-5 job, loathing my life, regretting all the things i passed up and telling myself. This is all your fault. PUSSY.
Why am I going on about not finishing shit? Well, you see my non existent follower; ready for this? I'm scared of not living. I'm always scared of trying new things, things I've always wanted to do. Like say, I wanted to apply for this internship but I'm too scared to get rejected so I kept putting it off and putting it off until I just forgot about the damn thing. The deadline passed and I said to myself, "AHH there's always next year." Every time this happens to me, and every fucking time I tell myself I'll straighten up and be productive, but no. My own scared ass is too lazy to do anything. NOTHING EVER GETS DONE.
Maybe that's what I'm really built to be. A bum. A bum who has lots of dreams but is too scared and sadly, doesn't have the skills to achieve them. Everywhere I look there's always someone, the same age as me who already has a job, or has won some big award. Every time I see things like that. I tell myself. What the hell am I doing with my life? I wouldn't be surprised after 10 years or so I'll be stuck in some 9-5 job, loathing my life, regretting all the things i passed up and telling myself. This is all your fault. PUSSY.
Biyernes, Agosto 17, 2012
PROCRASTINATING
I always find myself studying at the last minute. studying weeks before an exam just doesn't work for me. I tend to forget everything if I study in advance. I'm failing my ADPRAC subject btw. I'm having a hard time passing, everything I seem to do in this class just doesn't cut it to my professor. I admit I'm mad, I exert effort in everything I do. I want a do-over; ever since he lectured me about not bringing my handout to class, which was just that one time. And I didn't even leave it at home, it was in my locker. I guess it was my fault that I left it in the locker, But to hold that against me and it only happened once. That was the first time I forgot to bring my handout. I think every time he sees my face, he's like... HMM "I think I should just fail this girl, she thinks she's so good." I mean what do I have to do to pass, I don't want to be held back one more year, I don't want my mom to extend her stay abroad, Lord knows how much she wants to go home. :'((
Huwebes, Hulyo 19, 2012
It's 1 in the morning, and I'm trying to finish a paper due on saturday, as I walk up to the router to turn the wifi on, I see my dad studying in his usual spot reading thick law related books, and memorizing. God I cant even imagine the things he has to remember. To think he's about to turn 45 next year and he's still trying, trying to pass the bar exam, I guess to not let the people around him down. If he passes the bar he'd be 46 and to start building a new career at 46 is just mind boggling to me. I'm getting older too, a year shy from graduating college. scared shitless of the world ahead. Mostly scared that I wouldn't live the life that I've always wanted. To be stuck in a 9-5 job inside a cubicle is just horrifying to me.
Huwebes, Pebrero 23, 2012
Batang Kalabaw
I have read most of the replies on this thread and it's funny how a video of kids working for 4 straight hours with 12 pesos as reward, can give everyone an epiphany. How it's only now that they're eyes are opened, when all they have to do is look around and see what's really going on. Are we half asleep? or half awake? I don't understand people. Most of the time I don't get why we do things and the purpose behind them. Is purpose still a purpose if that purpose is purposeless? Sometimes I look at people and think "What are they doing with their lives?" I think the thing that most compels us to do things at this day and age is wants more than needs. Endless wants that blind us from reality and deviate us from what we really need to see.
It seems like material things are ruling the world right now. We just always have to buy something we don't really need. And as much as I love clothes, books, an abundance of food and all of that, watching this video made me feel shallow. Shallow for wanting and craving for these things that I don't really need. They're just plain temporary and shallow happiness. I mean, it's normal to have a few wants at times, or have a few of this and that. but let's face it we always want more. We always end up having too much of what's really necessary. Living in the city overwhelmed with tempting availability of an abundance of things is making me greedy. And this thought is making me very sad and depressed.
Being a kid for me was the best. To be able to play, to not to worry about a single thing. Basically, to have a carefree life. But not every child is blessed with a "silver spoon" in their mouth. Case and point, the children from this documentary. Kids from Agusan del Sur who carry logs down a steep hill. Children have rights like all of us but sadly not all of them are being followed. It states that "Children have the right to an adequate standard of living, healthcare, education and services, and to play and recreation. These include a balanced diet, a warm bed to sleep in and access to schooling." To see the children having to carry logs to earn money instead of being at school where they should be is just wrong. And to think that the adults who actually pay them a mere 10 pesos or 12 pesos if they're lucky don't even feel guilty, just sickens me. One of those kids, namely Cherilyn who acts as both the mother and father to her 5 younger siblings. They live in a hut where their source of light is a candle and plumbing does not exist. when the reporter was interviewing this little girl you can just see life drained out of her. I can't help but feel helpless and useless because I can't do anything about it.
Another is "Children have the right to protection form abuse, neglect, exploitation and discrimination." These kids are being abused, neglected, exploited and discriminated for the fact that they have to go down a steep hill carrying logs that are bigger than they are and sometimes 2 to 3 times their actual body weight for 4 hours, and be paid only 12 pesos. Plus if they got the wood dirty those scumbags won't pay for it, because they're considered as rejects.
Lastly "Children have the right to participate in communities and have programs and services for themselves." This was violated for the mere fact that these kids did not a have say on how they were being treated on how little they were paid.
Children are the hope of the nation. Cliche as it may sound it stands to reason there will come a time when they will take over and be the next leaders of our nation, and so it is our responsibility to make sure that they are given equal opportunity for education and basic necessities needed to live a healthy life. To make sure that we focus on enriching and developing them to the point that they are able to enjoy life.
I guess it's really about perspective, and choosing to see, having an open mind. We should break out of this mold of such controlled society.
Another thing is that I I think it's time for us, as a Thomasian NSTP student to take a step back and stop being so self-involved, create not only a child friendly society but a more "we" place instead of an "I" place. There are millions of people in this world and there is a reason why that is . We don't exist individually, we exist collectively as a race. We were put on this world for a purpose and it wasn't so we could devote our lives only to ourselves but to others as well. It's very important to share, give, lend a hand not ask for anything in return.
Asking the question "why is it important to protect and respect the rights of children?" is like asking "why do we need to breathe?" It's simple, what difference does it make if you were a grown up, bottom line is we all deserve respect and you'd be ignorant to tell otherwise.When people have a light heart and so much positivity, you can't help but receive the same energy and implement it in your life as well.
I believe in love. I will never stop believing . I believe love will help us find the way to stop hate and abuse. Having love and compassion towards ourselves, other people and the world will bridge gaps, elevate our understanding for life and create a connection that will be unbreakable.
It seems like material things are ruling the world right now. We just always have to buy something we don't really need. And as much as I love clothes, books, an abundance of food and all of that, watching this video made me feel shallow. Shallow for wanting and craving for these things that I don't really need. They're just plain temporary and shallow happiness. I mean, it's normal to have a few wants at times, or have a few of this and that. but let's face it we always want more. We always end up having too much of what's really necessary. Living in the city overwhelmed with tempting availability of an abundance of things is making me greedy. And this thought is making me very sad and depressed.
Being a kid for me was the best. To be able to play, to not to worry about a single thing. Basically, to have a carefree life. But not every child is blessed with a "silver spoon" in their mouth. Case and point, the children from this documentary. Kids from Agusan del Sur who carry logs down a steep hill. Children have rights like all of us but sadly not all of them are being followed. It states that "Children have the right to an adequate standard of living, healthcare, education and services, and to play and recreation. These include a balanced diet, a warm bed to sleep in and access to schooling." To see the children having to carry logs to earn money instead of being at school where they should be is just wrong. And to think that the adults who actually pay them a mere 10 pesos or 12 pesos if they're lucky don't even feel guilty, just sickens me. One of those kids, namely Cherilyn who acts as both the mother and father to her 5 younger siblings. They live in a hut where their source of light is a candle and plumbing does not exist. when the reporter was interviewing this little girl you can just see life drained out of her. I can't help but feel helpless and useless because I can't do anything about it.
Another is "Children have the right to protection form abuse, neglect, exploitation and discrimination." These kids are being abused, neglected, exploited and discriminated for the fact that they have to go down a steep hill carrying logs that are bigger than they are and sometimes 2 to 3 times their actual body weight for 4 hours, and be paid only 12 pesos. Plus if they got the wood dirty those scumbags won't pay for it, because they're considered as rejects.
Lastly "Children have the right to participate in communities and have programs and services for themselves." This was violated for the mere fact that these kids did not a have say on how they were being treated on how little they were paid.
Children are the hope of the nation. Cliche as it may sound it stands to reason there will come a time when they will take over and be the next leaders of our nation, and so it is our responsibility to make sure that they are given equal opportunity for education and basic necessities needed to live a healthy life. To make sure that we focus on enriching and developing them to the point that they are able to enjoy life.
I guess it's really about perspective, and choosing to see, having an open mind. We should break out of this mold of such controlled society.
Another thing is that I I think it's time for us, as a Thomasian NSTP student to take a step back and stop being so self-involved, create not only a child friendly society but a more "we" place instead of an "I" place. There are millions of people in this world and there is a reason why that is . We don't exist individually, we exist collectively as a race. We were put on this world for a purpose and it wasn't so we could devote our lives only to ourselves but to others as well. It's very important to share, give, lend a hand not ask for anything in return.
Asking the question "why is it important to protect and respect the rights of children?" is like asking "why do we need to breathe?" It's simple, what difference does it make if you were a grown up, bottom line is we all deserve respect and you'd be ignorant to tell otherwise.When people have a light heart and so much positivity, you can't help but receive the same energy and implement it in your life as well.
I believe in love. I will never stop believing . I believe love will help us find the way to stop hate and abuse. Having love and compassion towards ourselves, other people and the world will bridge gaps, elevate our understanding for life and create a connection that will be unbreakable.
There is always hope.
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